The Final obstacle to Islam

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After that prayer, everything was different.  Not physically but emotionally and spiritually.

I start losing interest on church, I start observing the bad things that Christian people do, like wearing short dresses etc. to church. I’m now aware. 

Year 2015- late this year, I’m at the hostel in school, it is civvies day and students are braaing/barbecuing but as usual I don’t participate,  to me I feel that’s just a waste of time. So I’m sitting alone at the first floor steps and out of the blue I start thinking about the purpose of life and the day of judgement and finally heaven and earth….

Before i know it, I’m asking myself “Is Christianity the correct religion?  Is my hereafter life secure?”. These questions that I’ve been avoiding since forever have come back nd are now demanding to be heard. I got shocked at the fact that I’m even pondering upon these questions.  

Then just right there and then, (I can’t explain this in words properly ) there was like this chain that broke, I forgot about my family and friends, I forgot about my roles as a Christian, I forgot everything.  And manage to say a prayer to God to forgive me if I’m doing the wrong thing before reaching out for my phone to type in “To whom do Muslims pray to”. 

I received my answer in shock,  I was startled for a few seconds asking myself,  is it possible that everything, everything I have been looking for in Christianity had to reveal itself in another religion…

The religion of Allah who is worshipped alone.  

Without second thoughts alhamdulillah i then typed in “How to become a Muslim” 

I read the shahadah alhamdulillah and i become Muslim. Subhaanallah. 

That was the beginning of my life. …

postaweek #postaday #revert #convert #muslim #muslimah #Islam #deen #truereligion #christianity #christian #bornagain

Journey:My reverting story (Part 2)

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Continue from: so the feeling got worse…

I continue crossing the Christian barrier line, but I’m constantly stopping myself at the remembrance of the fact that – I’m still Christian and this is the correct religion as far as I know. 

End of 2014- (A day I will forever remember). I’m walking into one of our town’s local shops, I see a guy (Muslim) wearing this white dress(kurta) and inspite of the fact that this is only a dress, I see something special in it, pureness.  So since I’m used to this guy (Christianity’s restrictions against interaction with the opposite gender is not strong/followed) I approach him and ask him why he is wearing this dress. Well he tells me it is friday (jumua) and it is Ramadhan and as he is explaining to me the theory behind his dressing in Islam i cut him in, in the middle of his explanation and with faked pride I tell him:”You know Jesus is the only god and why are you not worshipping him and instead you worship idols? ” 

He with patience and gentleness explains to me Islam in a few words  :”Sister, we worship God who created the heavens and the Earth, alone. The god whom Christians say is Father in the trinity.  Jesus is a prophet to us we also love him but we don’t worship him.”

This is too much for me to swallow… i mean… I always see Islam as a Polytheistic religion. This is nothing compared to what I know about Islam and this guy said this with so much passion and confidence,  something which i wish to attain in my own religion but failed to multiple times. So in order to hide my feelings and the fact that I myself am confused about the religion i just conveyed to him, I decide the only solution is pride. Yes, pretend that what he just said didn’t have an effect on me… so i just brush what he said off by saying:”okay brother in any case may god guide you” and I left. 

I tell you what… these few sentences that this brother had said to me are haunting me and secretly playing in the background of my mind. But “I’m Christian, this is my religion i grew up with,  it has to be correct” i try to comfort myself. And what is making the process of comforting myself even harder is the voice of the pastor in my church during a sermon saying”we cannot judge other religions and we cannot say 100% our religion is the only and correct religion”, thiis coupled with similar sayings of my Sunday school teachers is making it hard for me to firmly stand by my religion.

Year 2015- so i continue forcing this pride so as to stay by my religion. 

But, oneday during the evening prayers. I’m genuinely crying,  crying to God for the genuine first time.I got this right, not because i feel connected to God but because i don’t feel any real connection to God and now I’m crying for Him to connect with me. 

So this happened

I remember this experience vividly… I’m so tired of crying and i decide to go sit in the front row of the church’s chairs. But there is this voice at the back of my head that keeps on saying “Pray to God alone” I ignored it a few times until I couldn’t anymore.  I found myself praying something like this:”I’m not praying to any other deity now, I’m not praying to anyone besides the Lord of the beginning of the earth, the Lord who created me, the Lord who created heaven and earth. So I ask you my Lord how do you want me to worship you? What have you ordered mankind to do to gain Paradise before the devil intervened.  Lord i want to worship you the way you want me to. If I’m im the correct religion keep me in it but bless me with the connection with You and if I’m not in the correct religion,  save me and show me the path to the correct religion”

Everything after that was different… (to be continued…)

#postaweek #postaday #revert #convert #muslim #muslimah #Islam #deen #truereligion #christianity #christian #bornagain

Journey: My Reverting story.

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Assalamu alaikum my brothers and sisters.
Let’s start our journey together…

Before Islam

Year 2011 (11 years old)I’m in a Christian environment, life seems normal. I wake up each day on a routine and everyday I repeat that routine without experiencing any changes in myself, internally. 

So i think to myself:”That’s how life is supposed to be I guess, it can’t possibly be different, my mother, grandmother, great grandmother etc. also live on this routine and by far they are the wisest people I ever knew and they don’t seem to care at the neutral nature of this routine…”. Wake up, bath,clean/cook, go to where you want to/sleep,  come back and eat some more and then off u go… to sleep, the following day is the same story. Except this one day: Sunday, this day u repeat the same routine with a slight alteration -you replace the “Go wherever you want to” with “Church”… 
Yes Church… the place where i have to sing loud and fake tears in order to hide the feelings that are nonexistent in my heart… and because of the fact that no one cares about anyone’s internal state as long as they look right they were fine, things just were easier. The trick is for me to sing louder and cry harder then they wouldn’t know how unsatisfied and confused I am about this religion of mine and I’ll continue being a good daughter and the role model teenager in my community.

Year 2012- I am so desperate to feed my soul. I’m trying.  I’m tired of pretending to be feeling something when nothing is happening, “there has to be a solution”, I tell myself. “It’s me, I’m just not good enough,  God doesn’t want to connect with me” I’m repeatedly accusing myself. “Maybe it’s because I’m a hypocrite, I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’m also trying not to but i just cannot get that spiritual connection” my feelings and thought are colliding.  

“I guess i need to do something, anything that will help me gain this connection with God and something that will clear all doubts and confusion i have about Christianity” i think to myself.  So i decide to accept Jesus as the lord of my life. “Yes, that will solve things” I wrongly forecast.  

I tell you things are just worse now… NO spiritual connection and more singing louder and more fake crying because I’m now a born again Christian I need to act the part. At this state I’m just not sure anymore that there is something as a spiritual connection to God. Being persistent as I am i tell myself “I need to try harder there has to be a solution”. 

So at this thought i decide to join the evening prayers. 6 to 10 I’m in a room surrounded by Elderly people who are praying so loud it seems as if they are forcing this connection with God. “That has to be the solution, shout, scream and cry to the point where it seems like u laughing, then the connection you want to feel with God will have no other choice but to submit itself and you will feel God’s presence” i think to myself. 

So being desperate i try it out… to my surprise i feel rather… crazy. “This is not for me” i think to myself. However the ironic part of my story is that , people, young and old look up to me… I’m the ideal Christian in their eyes but internally bankruptcy is happening.  “Is this how my life is going to be? ” i ask myself and reply myself in the positive after many internal battles with myself. So i decide the only solution now is More pretending.  

Year 2013 – I am so good with this pretending thing now, that they even appointed me as the Sunday School Preacher and the MC of the Day… i am in the committee of our church’s teenagers and more. Things are looking nothing but good- EXTERNALLY.  I am Head Girl at my Primary School, things couldn’t be better I’m thinking to myself- while struggling internally- with this part of me that craves spiritual connection.  

Year 2014- I’m in Higschool and already I’m appearing on Newspapers because of my achievements. I’m playing hockey, doing culture, everything- you just name it. 

But, 

This craving… just keeps on getting worse. So I’m starting to cross the Christian barrier line- i start asking questions- questioning my religion, the religion of my parents , great great elders and the religion of everyone i knew… how could I? I don’t know but this feeling was so strong it overpowered me. 

“Why did God have to send a man, to earth to die for our sins and later appoint him as god? I mean this Man we talking about used to also answer to the call of nature and if he really is god now then why did he let himself be lowered to the stage of his creations? I mean i wouldn’t build my dog a house and go stay with it, abandoning my own comfortable abode? And to top it off… get myself sacrificed because my dog stole another dog’s bone ( laughs) no like honestly no one would” let alone god(serious). 

So the feeling grew.. (To be continued…)

#revert #muslimah #convert #muslim #Allahuakbar #postaweek #longreads

The Root of Wisdom

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Let us all with the Mercy of Allah embark on the journey of acquiring essential and beneficial knowledge, so that as a result our Wisdom flower will blossom in shaa Allah.  Indeed wisdom is a gift given to a few yet the potential of acquiring it is given to all. 

#postaweek #revert #islamis4truthorsilence

Introduction (Ruqiya-Jannathi)

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My dear brothers and sisters in deen in shaa Allah i will be starting this journey with u all with the Mercy of Allah… and in shaa Allah we shall reap the benefits of sharing ilm un nafi with each other…

The main objective of this blog I’m starting is so that we as the ummah of Rasullulah sallalahu alaihi wasalam can teach each other to look at the bigger picture regarding our religion and also to share with each other the TRUTH. As we know the truth is not always nice or comforting and people often refrain from stating the truth because they fear hurting others, but in shaa Allah in this blog I’m going to share exactly that, the truth.

Wisdom blossoms the moment someone honestly hates hearing comfortable lies and prefers the painful truth instead_Ruqiya-Jannathi

This is one blog where u can expect nothing but the truth in it’s original form. A blog where emotions are not taking into much consideration as the truth will be.

How long are we going to lie to each other to “protect” each other? The truth is the only weapon of Protection when it comes to speech. So this is what we will be doing throughout this blog… WE ARE IN SHAA ALLAH GOING TO PROTECT EACH OTHER THROUGH THE TRUTH…

Who is Ruqiya-Jannathi?

I turned 17 years old this year Alhamdulillah… I’m a revert Alhamdulillah for one and a half years now and i can’t explain the magical experience i had through these 1 and a half years, words cannot explain.

And in shaa Allah later in this blog I’m going to share my revert story with you all…

My parents still don’t know that I’m Muslim so I’m still living in a household as a undercover Muslim and Alhamdulillah I’m in the process of stabilising my life Islamically so i will be able to share my wonderful news with them… and in shaa Allah nomatter how bad it is going to be i will know what step to take… Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alaihi wasalam said to a Sahabah who in the desert left his camel untied with the believe that he trusts Allah with his camel :”Tie your camel first and then put your trust in Allah”. So i believe I’m also in that process of “tying my camel” and we should all strive on doing that in all matter of our lives.

I will be sharing more about myself throughout my blog and in shaa Allah we can all benefit from each other and protect each other through nothing but the TRUTH as painful as it may seem.

Jazakumullahu khair

Assalamu alaikm warahmatullahi wabarakatuh